’ ‘Why couldn’t you sleep?’ ‘I worry.’ ‘What?’ ‘I worry. Last night I worried about what would happen if I started dreaming.’ ‘D...eaming? Everyone dreams.’ ‘What if I started dreaming about you? Called out your name or something? It could ruin everything.’ She hugged me. ‘You sweet nut! What a thing to worry about, to lose sleep about.’ She pecked me on the cheek. ‘But thank you for worrying about me, it was very thoughtful. At least you should be able to sleep on the plane.’ I shook my head.. I felt it was impossible to resist more time; so I finally resigned to peeing next to the cab.I opened the door and stepped out. The ground was wet and muddy. I warned the guy not to watch at me…I squatted down with my summer dress bunched around my waist and pulled down my panties to my ankles. I tried to hold these white cotton panties, so it could not hit the muddy soil.It was then I noticed the glare of the driver in the mirror as he watched the reflection of me there.I shouted at him that. "Now run along with yoursister and behave yourselves; Mummy has things to do." Sarah and Paulturned and ran back upstairs giggling with delight.I leaned against the newel post fighting for breath; what was happeninghere; was I going mad? I couldn't understand why we were all behaving sopeculiarly. Why were Sarah and Paul behaving like small children and whywas I speaking as though I were a woman - and more than that, a mother?I tried to calm down and think things through rationally. I had to. Elizabeth spread rotted horse manure on the roses around the house and cultivated her kitchen and herb gardens as best she could in the summer heat, learning to hoe at her side instead of in front of her.The overseer often watched her from his office and wondered how long she could continue working with her hugely swollen womb and thick ankles. Slave women often labored until the hour they gave birth and were back in the fields a day or two later, but white women were not thought to have that.
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