It was only because I could not trust myself. I wanted her desperately; my fantasies were still devouring her ripeness every time I retired to my bed....I slept most nights in my own ejaculate. On various occasions, I’ve had the pleasure of watching Tanuja Bhabi work in kitchen wearing her casual shalwar, Kameez. I had seen her as my Bhabi (sister-in-law) first and a woman second. Now I was looking her as a woman first and my Bhabi second, a woman that I dreamed about every night and felt sexual. "Nope, not shy at all. Hey will you do me a favor?" Kara asked."Sure. what's up?" I replied"Well, I feel it's too creepy to ask your dad or Calvin, but uh, would you put some lotion on my back? I don't want to burn," Kara said as she reached for the sunscreen.In my head I heard funky music, as I felt this was a scene straight out of a porno movie. It was like, well, the pool boy better take his pants off. I looked at her before I answered and realized she was serious."Um, sure," I said as if. I smile at her and she looks at my dark, matted hair. She looks at the gash in my cheek, darkened by dried blood. At the whiteness of the bone beneath. At the slow trickle of yellow and red-flecked drool. At the maggots as they crawl in and out.She stares. Behind her hooded eyes her pupils widen. Her eyes are black.I lean over her, I touch her cheek, her neck, the softness of her ear. I touch her breast. I feel her.I watch as her hidden eyes look down my body. My ravaged chest; black gore and. Of course, I got more hand-me-downs with the course of her move. It brought me to tears several times (an easy enough thing to do), reminding me too much of the day we went through all of Mom’s things, deciding what to keep and what to throw away. I remember thinking identical thoughts about each object, from the old torn and stained script of that freshman play to those Taco Bell advertisements.Stupid, I know, but everything they made me throw away made me feel as though it was another part.
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